I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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