yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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