Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize