Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
