i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
