I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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