I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
