dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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