Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
