Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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