I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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