I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
