if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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