Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
