you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
