maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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