I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
