I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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