Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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