Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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