i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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