I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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