Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
