shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
