My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
