Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
