Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
