After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
