I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
