so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
