Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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