I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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