Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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