i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
