I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
