It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
