my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she looked like the before picture.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
