made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
