good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
