Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
