Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
