I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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