mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
