I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
