I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
