oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
