That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
