Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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