Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
