after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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