Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
