I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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