i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize