btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
