what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
