After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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