i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
