You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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