No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
