he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
