1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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