the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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