I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I faked an abortion last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
