You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
